Your life right now is not unlike a bus-stop. You can either choose to get on the next bus, preferably to somewhere better. You can choose to stay at the bus-stop, in which nothing changes except the passing of time. Some even choose to get on a bus to somewhere worse, metaphorically, by means of sabotaging their own chances of success and happiness.
No matter the circumstance now, in this moment, there are things you can do to improve your life. Somewhere along the way, you would hit a roadblock. You might even have to confront the darkest parts of yourself.
Did you get rejected from 50 job interviews?
Did you fail to hit your goals after several years?
Are you less competent than you thought?
What should you do to overcome it?
This wrestling with the shadow is a meaningful part of inner growth. It makes you stronger in the end even though you would just feel miserable initially. The end of this wrestling ? A meaningful start to become a more “put together” person. You overcome problems by becoming a more competent, stronger person.
How to better yourself overnight (not really)
The next sleepless night you got, sit down at the edge of your bed and ask yourself : what is THE one thing that I am doing that is so stupid that I should stop doing right now?
Write down that answer quickly and revise it the next day. This starts the next phase of your growth. You promise yourself to fix one problem. Are you doing something specific to hold yourself back? Are you rejecting your right to a better life even before society has tried to deny you? Are you positively living the best version of your life? Are you lying to family and friends? Have you made amends with your brother? Do you have some sort of actual OCD you need to speak to a doctor to? Do you feel an overwhelming impulse to buy a small, loud unreasonable poodle? Speak to a doctor if you face the last two.
When you have encountered another sleepless night , think and find another problem to solve. Well, if you keep having sleepless nights, you might resolve to fix your sleeping patterns first! After all, that affects a large part of your life and health.
Small changes leads to big improvements over time. Confronting yourself in the quiet of the night can lead to amazing revelations, which leads to change.
Clean up your life
Clean up your room. Make your bed before leaving for work. Keep at least one part of your room as tidy as possible. Are you hoarding? Sort through piles you don’t wanna see and just spend 5 minutes looking through and throwing unimportant stuff away. The piles will get smaller and you will feel better.
On the larger picture:
Are you fulfilled at work? Are you working at the upper limits of your competence? Are you sufficiently challenged at your job? Do you like what you are doing? Are you educated to the level of your intelligence? (if you are below 30). Is there a course you could take to drive your career to a different, better direction that suit your abilities? Is there any aspect of your life you want to improve, and have yet to take a step?
Now, do you have to like what you do? For the short term, no. For the long term, if you keep doing what you dislike , it becomes you. You will dislike who you have become , by lying to yourself and keep doing what you dislike anyways.
Potential has an expiry date. The rising star has to rise some time.
What else is good to do? Speak clearly, precisely and honestly. From now.
Life can be unfair
“Life is suffering”
All the major religions of the world recognise this fact. Bear your sufferings nobly, granted they cannot be avoided.
Now , I didn’t write ‘difficult to solve”. Something unavoidable cannot compare to difficult problems. If there is no avoiding it, brace your suffering and be proud of yourself for bearing it. If it can be solved…well, you know what to do.
First of all, make sure you are measuring your problems accurately. Then you attempt to solve it. Do not overthink small problems.
What to avoid? Resentment. Blaming of others or Life for your problems. Arrogance. Ignorance. Acting out. Denial. All of these will corrupt a person, and they’ll degrade into someone that is of no use to themselves or anyone else.
Every difficult situation potentially can bring you a seed of self-improvement, if you can see it, and use it to change you.
What is the meaning of Life?
Dr Victor Frankl survived the holocaust, where he was tortured and he watched his fellow locals decay and die. He became a prominent psychologist after the camp was liberated. Not only did he turn his life around after that tragedy, he brought meaning to countless other lives.
Someone talked to him before a lecture, “Hey Frankl, don’t be angry with me. I’ve been invited to my future in-laws tonight.
I really do have to go , and I can’t stay for your lecture ; please be so kind and tell me quickly: what is the meaning of Life?”
His answer? It is not us who asks the questions. It is life that questions us. The challenge of the hour is different for each of us, at different times. That means you do what you need to do in the moment, as well as you can. You fill the role of yourself in your circle of life (family, spouse, friends, job, other roles) as fully as you can. Some people have larger circles. That’s okay.
It is about filling as much of your circle as you can. Fill your life as completely as you can, within the circle you choose for yourself.
The meaning of life is to first, bear responsibility for your own life. And then to be a good person. After all, we pass this way only once.
Recommended readings:
<Yes to Life> , Dr Victor Frankl
<12 Rules For Life> , Dr Jordan B. Peterson
